Here’s the thing, I’m thinking of submitting a story into a competition. I’ve never done that before. I’ve had stuff published in free magazines but I’ve never submitted to a competition, to a forum with judges and even possibly cash at the end. And you know what? I’m terrified.
It’s the first little steps to receiving rejection. The likelihood of hearing back if I don’t make the running is pretty big so there will be the not knowing. Give it a month or so and I will know (mostly because the winning entry will have been published) but until then I will have to live with the knowledge that somewhere out there, my precious work is being read, critiqued and probably rejected. It’s scary stuff!
And then there is the part of me that asks ‘Am I really good enough to enter?’ I think I’m pretty good. I’ve had a few people tell me I’m pretty good but they are people I already know. They are friends both online and face to face. I’ve only ever really put myself out there once and the recipient was overflowing with praise which while great for the ego, wasn’t brilliant for the develop of my writing.
Then, of course, should the miraculous happen and I get picked for the first stage of the competition I will be published in a mainstream arena. My friends and family will be able to buy my work. That which I have kept close for so long will be out of my control. 60,000+ people I have never met will read my work! It’s mind-boggling. It makes me want to run and hide in a cupboard and never leave.
However, I think I need to do this. My aim for this year is to submit work. This competition has pretty much fallen into my lap. I have a few weeks to get my act together and submit. I know I can do that. I know that physically I can submit. But this suddenly feels so big and strange.
So, I must find my courage. Remind myself of the aim of this blog and all the other things I am doing and just get going. Edit and submit! I can do this. I just might need someone to hold my hand while I do. 🙂